As an Emergency Department chaplain who also covers COVID+ intensive care units (thirty-two beds). I am called to serve in crisis ministry situations several times a day. In this way, I am frequently present in times of pain, confusion, loss and death. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and her stages of grief theory continues to provide a valid starting point when understanding and being with those experiencing loss and grief. Today it is commonly understood that for most, the grief journey is not linear (simply one stage to the next) but rather more accurately describes the emotions felt in the “pool of grief”, and these emotions are then experienced in a more haphazard manner. Kubler-Ross identified the emotions of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance within the grief journey.

School administrators don’t deny cutting the number but say it’s because they didn’t think it would be appropriate for middle school-aged and younger students in attendance.

The most difficult visits for me occur in Labor and Delivery and the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit of the hospital. These visits drain me emotionally and I am continually amazed by the heroic teams of professionals called to work in these units day after day. Labor and Delivery and the Neonatal units are for the most part the happiest areas of the hospital full of new lives, but at other times, they are the saddest units in the hospital. The sadness and intense grief seem to fill the hallways and enter the hearts of all associated with the death of a baby.

As the days advance to the arrival of any baby, there is both joy and trepidation, a new blessed being, emerging from labor, and love. So with Advent, awaiting the Birth that marks another beginning for the world.

It is mortal pain that brings forth the Christ child from Mary’s body. His mortal life begun as any babe’s, wrenched away from the warm ocean of the womb to the cold air of earthly life. The Child lifted from the Mother, a sign that this most precious Life will end in being lifted on the Cross, and lifting us up, with Him, to the hope of heaven.

The beginning point of every chaplain encounter with patients, families and staff is to be a compassionate presence who can keep your head when frequently the people around you cannot. In this way, a chaplain becomes acutely aware that there are times when the reality of the moment can be too much, and a patient or family can be overwhelmed with emotion and the ability to think is unattainable. Emotion can overload the cognitive brain; this can occur in times of crisis such as a new and very difficult diagnosis or the death of a loved one.

Think of your retreat as wine tasting. When you go to taste wine you don’t drink everything, you don’t like everything and you don’t buy everything. The same can be said for your retreat-you are going to like some of the program and not like some of the program. And you are going to wonder which parts you should do and which you shouldn’t. Taste them all, or most of them but don’t “buy” the ones you don’t like.

There are times when being a compassionate presence who can keep their head is all that happens within a patient visit or family encounter and that action can be a very effective chaplain encounter. At the same time, the chaplain is trained to assess and bring forth whatever has given that person or family hope, meaning and strength in the past. To say it another way, the chaplain journeys and encourages the person or family to access within themselves whatever it is that has given their lives hope, meaning and strength. Finally, and for some this is the hardest part, the chaplain must be open and respectful to how that person or family answers that question.